Paparazzi

I just can't help it - taunting the paparazzi.

Going International

After a whirlwind few tough days with mates in France (doing exhaustive research into the wine of the region while planning the International Launch of Muddy Water​), it's back to normal for me.

Except that I can't remember what 'normal' is anymore, what with being a busy author an' all.

This Sunday on BBC Radio Essex, BBC Suffolk and BBC Cambridgeshire I'll be on the Sue Marchant Show sometime around 9pm.

And before I'm on, you can hear Joanna Eden​, singing LIVE.

 Ooh, it's all so exciting, I need another cheeky glass of wine, and QUICK!

Struggling Author Prepares for the Radio

I love the radio.

Colne Radio.

Pirate Radio.

The World's Smallest Pirate Radio Station.

I'm preparing for my first experience of being interviewed on BBC radio - tomorrow.

I'm quietly confident, but nervous as well.

I must keep cool. Keep calm.

Play some Nilsson and think of the swan-swan-goose of Wivenhoe.

And not to be shy of plugging Muddy Water at every opportunity.

A Day In The Life...Day 7

Day Seven of being a struggling author...

What's on the close horizon?

Tuesday the East Anglian Daily Times comes out.

Also on Tuesday I'll be on BBC Radio Essex on the Tony Fisher show in the afternoon.

Then on Friday, I'll be having a chat with Joanna Eden about some ideas I have for...
Muddy Water - The Album. 

But back to the here and now... I was so pleased to hear from two readers (Kerry and Katie), who said that they had been enjoying the Muddy Water reading experience.

As a writer, I think that's all a writer can wish for - that someone enjoys your work.

It certainly ain't the notoriety or the money that may or may not be further down the line on long-distance horizons.

Taking it to the Press

I'm sorry I didn't actually begin my diary the other evening as planned - in fact I was busy being interviewed by the East Anglian Daily Times.

That's part of my strategy - to try to gain some publicity. After all, I can't expect anyone to buy Muddy Water if they don't know about it.

I decided to enjoy the moment, so I sat back in my chair with a nice glass of wine while the reporter, the lovely Nicola, asked away.

Where is the story set? Who's in it? How did it come about?

And the most important question that I made sure she got the answer to - where can the book be bought? - Amazon! 

A Day in the Life of a Struggling Author

My personal diary of my progress through the muddy waters of becoming a writer begins HERE.

Will I ever make it in this HUGELY competitive world?

I'll try anything to succeed.

I will tell you, dear blog readers, EXCLUSIVELY what happens.

But how does one MEASURE success?

Follow my diary of events on THIS blog ONLY.

Follow my story here, starting TOMORROW!

Harry Who?

Harry​ Who?
Many of those who know me also know that I'm a Harry​ Nilsson obsessive - a huge fan of his music ever since I was 13, when my mum first played his LP Nilsson Schmilsson to me.

He's possibly best known for his two massive hits, Without You and Everybody's Talkin', although these songs are just a small tip of his extensive catalogue.

What's he got to do with Muddy Water​? Well, as it's MY book, I figured I had carte blanche to include several private Harry​ nods within the pages, including the illustrations drawn by Laura​ of the central character, Leslie Markland. Not a lot of people will know it but Mr. Markland bares an uncanny resemblance to the man himself. And in the story the dog's called Harry too. Oh it's such fun being an author - anything can happen, and it quite often does.

Countdown to MY Ecstasy on Top Gear

What is a blog?

It's a diary on the internet - I think.

So I may as well use my blog as a diary of my feelings as I move towards my book launch. My very own book launch. My very own personal feelings.

Most people won't give a flying f about what I feel, and I can quite appreciate that, but I thought it may be mildly interesting to a few, including me when I look back in years to come. So here goes...

It's Monday, and the book launch of Muddy Water is next Sunday.

It's far enough away that I don't yet have to unduly worry,

But it's close enough that I can't ignore it.

So I trepidatiously send a text to Jo, on the hope that she's still up for performing the song that she's written specially, on the day. She says she's looking forward to it too, so I feel I can relax a little - by listening to some Steely Dan and then sitting back to watch an old episode of Top Gear.

How To Make A Book Cover

It's easy!




Ask your beautiful daughter to pose for the camera.
Hold up a light to shine on her hair.
Add some words.
That's it!

My Baby

Oh crumbs! 
My baby's born. 
I got the first copy of Muddy Water today, and I touched it and discovered that it's really real. 
It's a real thing, and it has 47 real chapters, 384 real pages, and 127,705 real words sandwiched between 2 real covers. 
There's no turning back now. 
Oh crumbs. 
What have I done? 
Now I know what it feels like giving birth.

How To Write A Song

I asked the hugely talented Joanna Eden to come up with a song for Muddy Water, so that

a) it could be used to play on Facebook and on my blog here - as soon as it's recorded
b) she can perform it live at the book launch on November 1st
c) for the fun of it
d) for the ego of it

I previously sent Jo the plot line of the story, and she effortlessly came up with the tune, and then some initial words.

Yesterday I went over to her house to co-write with her and do some 'fine-tuning'. No, that's not strictly accurate. The ratio of co-writing, as predicted, was 99% Jo and 1% me.

There was she pouring out melodies and lyrics as easily as I pour out my Cheerios, and I struggled to even come up with a word that rhymes with 'tide'. (masterfully, Jo came up with 'denied').

How To Write A Book

Harry The Dog

It's easy to write a book...All you need are four essential ingredients, and one extra magic one

Part One:
Have an idea for a plot (fortunately I have no

Miss Baudet

shortage of 'em).
Have enthusiasm (also fortunately I have lots).
Have stamina (that's my shortfall, but I'm working at it).
Have a supporting missus (I am very lucky - 'Erindoors is a wonder).
Part Two:
Have a boat - preferably A Boat for My Potplants, upon which to have writing sessions. (although I no longer have Los Amigos, renamed Miss Baudet, the boat was indeed instrumental in the creative process.
Part Three:
Have a very talented daughter who illustrates the characters, including Harry The Dog. Oh, she's good!
Part Four:
Find someone who will mentor you, help you, work with you, edit you, publish you, eat with you, drink with you, laugh with you. Laughing is the most important element in this 'How To' section.
In my case, this is David Roberts, author of Rock Atlas, who shares with me a love of great music.
Part magic:

Be inspired. Who could fail at this, living in Wivenhoe?

Muddy Water Book Launch

The book's been writ.
The venue's been booked.
The wine's been bought.

Muddy Water, the novel, is coming out on November 1st.

Inspired by a true story, and set muchly in Wivenhoe

A New Beginning

Right! Too long has gone by since my last post on my blog. That was back when my Boat For My Potplants got sold to the lovely Lesley.

I'd concluded that it was time to move on. Time to embark on new adventures - like writing a novel.

Many of us have a story inside of us, just bursting to come out. Muddy Water is my story bursting to come out, and out it will be out on 1st November - and much of it was written aboard the boat.

So, I'm now picking up my blog from where I left off - and where better than with Miss Baudet - the new name for the old boat.

The new owner - Lesley - is featured in my book as Alberta Louise Baudet. And last weekend I met her on her boat in order to remind her how the motor works.

While I was there my breath was taken away by the incredible job she has done, along with her husband Graham, in improving the interior even better than I could ever do.

Just look! It's incredible. And to think that six years ago it was ready to be towed away for scrap.

I take my hat off to Miss Baudet.

The Boat Moves Into Muddy Water

So my old boat will live on, with new careful owners. It's been saved from the scrapheap - I would say forever - and mighty glad I am too.

It's been the source of enormous fun and countless good times, but it's only right and proper that someone else now gets to take over at the helm.

Lesley, the new owner, has also paid me to be included as one of the characters in Muddy Water, which - surprise surprise - is set in Wivenhoe. In the story she (aka Miss Baudet) comes down from Leeds, sees the boat with me working on it and decides to buy it. She changes its name to 'Miss Baudet', and lives happily ever after. Or does she?

And thanks to her and a number of other good folks, a total of £1,500 has been pledged. At the book launch in October this will be equally divided and donated to three charities - MIND, The RNLI and the Wivenhoe Royal British Legion.

There's still much work to be done on the book, so I'd better get cracking.

What The Heck's Going On?

Saved from the boatyard in the sky

The next book

What the heck IS going on, you may well ask.

The astroturf has gone. The planters have been removed. The geraniums have been tossed in the river. "It actually looks like a proper boat now", someone recently remarked. The cheek! How very dare they?

There had never been a game-plan. I never thought I'd sell it. But dear Miss Baudet came along and made me an offer I couldn't refuse just at the right time.

You see, I want to be an aufer of words, and at the moment I'm concentrating on Muddy Water, what will be out in October. All this writing mullarky takes time, and time costs dosh.

But now, thanks to Miss Baudet's spondoolics I have some freedom to leave my paint brush and ladder in the van, and concentrate on the first draft. And the second, the third, fourth and fifth. In fact as many drafts and re-writes as it needs until it's ready.

The one what I'm doing now

Then when that's been done, a book called A Boat For My Potplants will be next. 'A story of how a gorilla came to sit on a boat in Wivenhoe' just has to be told.

I'm jolly proud to have saved one of these lovely old 1970's Norfolk Broads cruisers from going to that big boat yard in the sky. It will now live on for many more years to come.

I know the new owner is going to love and look after her boat as much as I did since I brought it to Wivenhoe five and a half years ago.

I've had many wonderful adventures with the boat and its flowers along the way - and I daresay Miss Baudet will have many more - even without its garden - or the gorilla.

The New Miss Baudet

Miss Baudet and her beau Graham keep a watchful eye on me as I beaver away aboard their boat

I'm such a soppy old sausage my hanky has hardly dried out from all my tears recently.

I've been away from my blog for a long long time, and there's a mighty good reason for that.

I couldn't think what to write!

No - that's not quite true. I did know what to write, but I couldn't bring myself to write it without feeling overwhelmed with emotion.

You see, dear blog-readers, the boat is no longer a Boat For My Potplants.

And not only that, it's no longer MY Boat For My Potplants either.

WHAT? WHY? - I hear you cry out in shocked horror. Not as loudly as my own cries of disbelief, I can tell you.

But it's true! The real Miss Baudet has bought MISS BAUDET, as it's now called, and I've been busy working to bring her up to scratch, nice and shiny like, just the way she wants her to be. Without the plants. Sob sob.

Stay tuned blog-readers, for tomorrow's thrilling instalment, when I will reveal what the heck's going on

The plantless Miss Baudet with its new paint-job is nice and shiny again

The Magic Carpet Ride

The new carpet, without shag

The old, much more tasteful shag pile 

Muddy Water - my forthcoming best-selling novel will of course one day be available from major retailers around the entire world, translated into many languages, but initially Wivenhoe Book Shop may stock a copy or two, in English.

And of course the story will also be turned into a blockbuster film starring Tom Hanks as central figure Leslie Markland and Sandra Bullock as Silvie the sex-goddess. I've already given Tom Cruise my blessing for him to to play ME, on account of his height, in a cameo role, and Dame Helen Mirren will be playing Miss Baudet.

I nearly had a sheer heart attack

Miss Baudet is a leading character who has bought her way into Muddy Water. In the book and in real life, she comes aboard my Boat For My Potplants, and to my utter shock and horror she doesn't care much for the flowers OR the shag-pile carpet.

I nearly had a sheer heart attack right there on the spot, but Miss Baudet is not a lady to be messed with, and so it was off with the old tasteful rugs of before and down with the new ones sadly having no shag.

Miss Baudet is not a lady to be messed with

And just like shagpile carpets, all great things can come to an end - or at least a change of course set by the compasses of life, and as      life follows fiction, so can fiction  also mirror life.

The Merging

It's funny how fiction and reality sometimes merge. Miss Baudet is a fictional character within my Muddy Water book who visits Wivenhoe, falls in love with the Boat For My Potplants and wants it - but without the flowers. Some people are so strange. How could anyone not want the flowers?

Boat Without My Potplants

I invited Paul, The Caravan Man onto the boat this week so that he could fit a new leisure battery for me. I can't complain - I've had the old one for five years now, but it was only managing about 45 minutes of life, even after a full sun-charge from the solar panel. I had my money's worth out of it, especially when I look back at some of the wild parties we've had on board.

Paul previously helped me with bringing Tallulah The Motorhome into the twentyfirst century, so I knew he was a jolly good fellow, and he didn't let me down this week on the Boat Without My Potplants.

Not only has Los Amigos now got a new battery to enable more partying well into the night, but he also fitted a new lamp and strip light.

After he left I continued to give the interior a bit of touching up with some white paint here and there, some wood stain where it needed it, and then a good old clean on the exterior.

And why oh why had it taken me FIVE YEARS to make the gang-plank more easy to walk across without risk of falling in the mud? I suppose it just never occurred to me until now.

My next job: A NEW NAME for the Boat Without My Potplants. What could it possibly be?

Where Have All The Flowers Gone?

Indeed. In the name of the Great Spring Clean, where have all the flowers gone from the Boat For My Potplants?

Infact, I can hardly call it my Boat For My Potplants anymore, can I.

What'll I do?

Back To The Beginning

Today I went back to where it this began - on The Boat For My Potplants.

The new year brings with it the need for a good spruce up, inside and out, so today I made a start.

Inside the cabin I had a right old tidy up, sorting out this and that, tit for tat, and I confess that I metaphorically shed a tear as I looked around at some of my favourite things. But nobody saw me, so that was alright then, eh?

As well as that silent tear, I also enjoyed a loud chuckle as I recalled the many hours of bringing the boat to life after it had lain dormant and damp for years on the River Ouze.


For example...there was the mermaid picture sent to me by Chelmsford artist Cherry Ann after she read about the boat in Essex Life magazine...

For example...hanging the skull and crossbones for when we did the World's Smallest pirate Radio Station...

For example...fixing my Fungus The Bogeyman mirror to the wall...

For example...finding a special place for my son's ceramic tile that he made me...


For example...bringing a bit of up-market decor with the plastic leaded light windows...

...and of course arguing with 'Erindoors and the rest of the world about whether to have artificial or real flowers on board The Very Special Boat For My Potplants