Wonerful Wadio Wivenhoe

As some of you dear bloggees may know, I was indeed Barnacle Bill for a whole two hours on the Mark Wesley show, on board Radio Essex's lightship off the coast of Harwich, during the Beeb's celebration of 40 years since the closure of the pirate radio stations .

The taste of radio stardom was just too much for me to bear. I decided there and then that broadcasting was to be in my destiny.

So last week, Mr Wesley and I, who had had more than our fair share of Captain Morgan's rum, came up with the wheeze that I should purchase an iTrip for my iPod and use the tiny FM transmitter to broadcast from the Boat For My Potplants to the good people sitting at the tables outside the Rose And Crown. This would surely make it the most local radio station ever.

How will the patrons of the Rose And Crown be able to tune in? I will, of course, provide a tiny transistor radio for each table.

What will be the first song I should play? "Sailing"? "Sitting On The Dock Of The Bay"? "Messing About On The River"?

We've got plenty of time to decide on the Playlist, but mark my words, the moment will be upon us before we can hoist the Jolly Roger, so get your thinking caps on NOW!