Rollocks! I Have A Little Tender Behind.

I have a little tender behind. It's a corny joke, but I like it.

Yes, I am now the proud owner of a little tender for going at the rear of the Boat For My Potplants.

All I need are some rollocks and some oars, and I'll be able to pop out onto the river under my own steam with just a small step off the rear deck. And I love saying rollocks. Rollocks, rollocks, rollocks.

Maybe I can keep a couple of plants on it too, now that spring is in the air and the sun is coming out.

I can call it A Tender For My Potplants - The Sequal.

It's All In The Preparation

May the 17th is going to come round like no tomorrow, so it's best if I begin to make preparations for the Wivenhoe Open Gardens RIGHT NOW, before it's too late. I don't want my Boat For My Potplants to let the Wivenhoe Quay-side down, do I?

There's so much to do. I need to buy a flag, that's for sure, and the bunting down the sides of the planters is looking shabby and needs replacing.

The canopy is now four years old and has had four years of weather and seagull poop - so arrangements are currently underway for a spruce-up by the lovely Sarah at Sail And Cover.

There are plants to buy, and a lick of paint wouldn't go amiss either.

But at least I haven't missed a trick with getting some tasteful artificial plants and flowers - as well as the picket fence from Aldi.

All I need is the garden gnome, and I'll be well and truly sorted.

Peace And Love

All this talk about bicycle maintenance (see previous post) has got me thinking about my upcoming bike trip to Malta in May. It's a yearly thing. It's a boys' thing.

And then I just happened to notice that there are quite a few readers of this 'ere blog clicking in from good old US of A.

I wonder what on earth my American readers may think of Wivenhoe, this quintessentially English village (or is it a town?).

Anyway, I extend to you, dear blog-readers, from wherever you may hail across The Pond, a very warm welcome.

I recall a while back that some folks from the Big Country were shocked that I included the word 'POTPLANTS' in my writings. Apparently, over there it means something quite different from our innocent definition.

That gives me an idea for the Wivenhoe Open Gardens...but in the meantime...

I'll leave you with a pic of me (yes, it's all about me, me, me) in that great country of theirs when I cycled from West to East. Half way across, in Kansas actually, I met a fellow cyclist from Tokyo going the opposite way. I wonder where Yoshichika Shida is now, 33 years later.

I was indeed a little younger then, with more hair, but fundamentally the same as I am now.

Peace and love, man. Spread the word.

Zen And The Art Of Cycle Maintenance

Knock me down with a light-weight bicycle spanner - the fisherman's shed that the fisherman doesn't much care for has finally been found a use for. And what a fine use it is too!

The good people of Transition Wivenhoe are turning it into a bike-kitchen, where folks can learn how to look after their two-wheeled mode of transport. All for free. A brilliant initiative. Well done Jo (left), Jason and Ed (blue shirt), who I had the pleasure of meeting today.

Wivenhoe Wonders

There's been so much going on recently that I've had to step back and admire the view - metaphorically speaking as well as the view itself.

A few small highlights are...Jon getting his head stuck down the Houdini hatch...my attempt at sushi being quite successful...seeing my friend Ian's joyous face with his new toy...waking up and looking out the window...putting my feet up with a beer

Simple, cheap, effective.

Mark - A True Wivenhoe Quay Character

Yesterday, faced with blue and cloudless skies I thought to myself 'Shall I go to work today?'

After a few moments contemplating the consequences of letting a customer down, I decided to go along as planned to paint windows in a flat along the quay, here in Wivenhoe.

Thank goodness I did, because - as usual - my job isn't like real work. It was in fact a pleasure to do.

No more "tough days at the office" for me - no Sir-ee. Those days are long gone.

So I breathed a sigh of joy as I enjoyed the view.

Then on my way home at the end of the day I drove past Mark, a true Quay Character Of Wivenhoe.

Some may say that Mark is slightly eccentric? Maybe. Many would say that he's friendly and a pleasure to acquaint? Most definitely.

He is a thoroughly decent chap, whose craftmanship is well sought after around these parts.

And it's easy to see why when you look at his brilliant miniature 'paint your wagon' being lovingly created by his own fair hands.

When it's finished, I'm sure everyone is going to want one.

Get back - I'm first in the queue.

Eruptions, Part Two - Artificial or Real? That Is The Question

REAL?

Dear Blog-readers.

Type in the word 'ERUPTIONS' in the search box (top right of this blog), and you'll be transported back in time to 2010 when I wrote about the battle of minds between 'Erindoors and me, when you may recall I was in favour of using ARTIFICIAL plants on my boat, and 'Erindoors wasn't playing ball at all.

OR ARTIFICIAL?

You can read the comments and laugh mightily due to the hornets' nest that I so vigorously stirred up.

Never before has opinion been so strongly divided.

Until now, that is, because that old chestnut is about to be resurrected with my invitation by the Wivenhoe Society to include my Boat For My Potplants in the Wivenhoe Open Gardens in the middle weekend of May.

What a ruse, I thought, it would be to place some ARTIFICIAL plants in and amongst the REAL ones, and invite visitors to stand on the quayside an see if they can tell the difference!

How brilliant is that?

So, off I will go this weekend, to the artificial plant capital of the England (IKEA in Thurrock) in search of prime specimens.

And The Sun Comes Out

Is it really early March or am I dreaming? The sun comes out and so do the crowds.

How could we resist taking the canoe out for a trip up the Roman River for a pint at The Whalebone?

Up with the tide coming in, and back with the tide going out. That's the way to do it.

Those of you familiar with this 'ere blog will know that our good friend Canoe-Man Jon plays a big part in quenching our thirst for all-things-a-paddling. And Saturday afternoon was no exception.

And thanks to Jon, I learned the beauty of the 'J-Stroke', helping to make light work as we made our way to the landing stage at the end of the river.

We tied up and then walked along the track towards the pub, taking in the wonder of the mill.

Thank our lucky stars for living in such as place as this.

And to cap things off nicely on Sunday, Jon joined us for a beer on the Boat For My Potplants, when he shared his words of wisdom to us.

They are as follows...

"Why go somewhere else on holiday when we're already here?"

On That Day

An extract from my story that was featured in last year's Motor Boats monthly magazine, describing my World's Smallest Pirate Radio Station broadcast from my Boat For My Potplants to the people on Wivenhoe Quay, just a few feet away...

On that day there were hundreds of people gathered on the quay and at the British Legion building. Requests came in from far and wide by text and email.

For me the most bizarre moment was when I was in full flow with turntable and microphone and I looked up at the crowd on the quay and then at my mother who had decided to squeeze herself down the Houdini hatch with a glass in one hand and an unlit cigarette in the other. All in all it was a mad evening.

Good old Mum - she knew how to party alright.

A Little More Of My Favourite Tut

I am lucky to have a boat upon which I need not worry about what tut I keep.

It may well be ordinary tut to anyone else, but to me it's special tut.

Painting of flowers by my mate Paul, aka 'Intrepid', as he often does mad intrepid things during our yearly bike ride together

Welcome Aboard from car boot sale in France

Painting of boat by 'Erindoors

Photo of my boat with Quay Fireworks

Barometer that doesn't work

Fungus The Bogeyman mirror I've had since 16

Bottle with sand from beach in Cannes

Dominos set that I really should play one day

Badge from Harry Nilsson's 'The Point' play 

Wooden Gonk from Majorca when I was 7

Blue bicycle from when I was a real cyclist

Surf board and wire man

Silver cup commemorating my bike ride across USA

Ceramic tile made for me by son Oliver when he was 8

Tin Tin's dog Snowy from antique shop in Maningtree soon after we moved here

Lucien The Captain from car boot sale

Victoria Police badge from Liz in Oz 

Rasta-Man on my Boat For My Potplants, appropriately with pot

It's Curtains For Tallulah

As a much-needed practice-run in Tallulah leading up to this summer's Latitude festival and our very own motorhome madness, we have decided to venture forth to deepest, darkest Lincoln. It's not until July, but I mustn't be complacent, as there is much to do.

Like installing a radio and making cushion covers and new curtains. The old ones are a bit -how do you say - crap, and the interior could do with a bit of jollying up.

And not to mention the boring old mechanical things to do with making the thing go along the road. So I must call up my Chief Engineer Ian and ask him if he wouldn't mind poking his stick up the water pipe in preparation. I wonder what he'll say.

Time For A Clean

So much has happened recently. For those who know what I mean, there's no need for further explanation. For those far and wide who don't know what I'm on about, please allow me to explain some other day.

But in the meantime, the Wivenhoe Open Gardens are coming up. Okay, they're not happening until May, which may seem a long way off to you and me. But I know from experience how quickly things come round.

x

The general exterior appearance of my Boat For My Potplants is playing on my mind, almost as much as the plants and flowers adorning the deck that will become part of the 'open garden'.

So, I must arrange to get the canopy cleaned. It's had over three years of the elements, not to mention countless friendly seagulls depositing their daily wares.

Wonderful Wivenhoe

What an extraordinary place this is.

New

As spring beckons on the horizon, the nights draw out and the days lengthen, we have summer to look forward to.

Summer. Festival. Music.

A new era.

Wivenhoe Open Gardens

Now I know and understand that the primary use of a boat is NOT to have it as an Open Garden. But you have to appreciate that a) This is Wivenhoe, and b) This is no ordinary boat - it is in fact A Boat For My Potplants.

Should I bring out the artificials from the heads (toilet area)?

So, it stands to reason that it should be included in this year's list of gardens, open to the general public between Saturday 17th May and Sunday 18th May (11am-5pm).

The idea is that the Wivenhoe Society can raise funds by selling a programme and map of where the participating gardens are located.

But I'll let you all, dear blog-readers, into a secret. I will whisper it in your ear. My one is outside the Rose and Crown pub on the quay - you really can't miss it. But don't tell anyone, okay?

Of course I am already preparing things by planting a few choice bulbs, the names of which I can't quite remember, but I am equally looking forward to including some plastic artificials in the right places - so long as they're tasteful!

My Girl Bill

My super cool cousin has been visiting Wivenhoe, and staying with us. And it's been a real pleasure, I can tell you. For reasons best known to herself she likes to call herself Bill. Who am I to question why?

Well, this morning the sun came out to say hello, so we decided to drive to the local farm shop in Alfonso in order to get some bacon and eggs for breakfast.

I noticed a nice pot of plants (a primula and something else that I can't remember the name of), and Bill insisted on buying them for me. Top girl!

I was so excited (it doesn't take much) we drove straight to the Boat For My Potplants and I promptly planted them. My green fingers soon became brown and dirty, but I didn't care.

And it's all for the Wivenhoe Society's Open Gardens, which I will reveal more details of shortly. I bet you can't wait!

In the meantime, I raise my proverbial collection of hats to Bill, who writes an incredible blog of her own. Check it out. She somehow manages to say in just a few words and visuals more than I can possibly say in many paragraphs.

And I raise my other hats to her, as it was she who suggested and encouraged me to begin writing a blog of my own at a time when I had barely heard of the b-word.

So it's My Girl Bill that you can blame for all this rubbish what I write.

Here's to you, Bill. x

Ah, It's All Becoming Clear

It was one of those Eureka moments that came to me. I mean, it's not rocket science to work out my very own theory of relativity...

...We're all on a journey, whether physically or emotionally.

And it's not really the destination that matters - it's the journey itself.

So, for me with this 'ere blog over the coming days and weeks, I will be telling you about my plans for my forthcoming physical journeys.

With the Boat For My Potplants, it will be taken on a journey to Brightligsea along the River Colne.

With Tallulah The T-Reg Motorhome, it will be taken to the Latitude Music Festival.

With Alfonso The Second, it will be taken to its birthplace - the famous roof-top of the Fiat factory, as featured in the classic car chase from The Italian Job.

All significant (for me, anyway) destinations. But (for me, anyway), it will be the journeys that are more significant.

Profound stuff, eh?

And in case you're wondering about my Einstein pose - that was on another journey I embarked upon for Movember 2013. My moustache went on a journey, growing from nothingness on Nov 1st to somethingness on Nov 31st.

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