Elephant Found!

I found an elephant!
And a tiger.
I have the boat.
All I need is a jungle like I had for the gorilla.

Elephant Wanted!

Miss Baudet (the current name for The Boat For My Potplants) went naked, all for the sake of preparation.

When one is invited to take part in this year's Wivenhoe Open Gardens, one must have one's boat spic and span - and that means one must clean the canvas canopy.

This entails one taking it off, pressure-washing it, and putting it back on - unfortunately in gale-force winds.

It wasn't easy, but with thanks to 'Erindoors, one managed it.

Now one has to think up how to turn the boat into a garden.

Last time it was with a gorilla.

This year, especially as Nellie the dwarf twin elephant in 'Mister Tap' is fresh in one's mind, one is now in search of a Nellie-lookalike.

And, as the Maire of Montolieu MIGHT be visiting that weekend, one wants to put on a good display.

So, if anyone has one to lend one, do let one know.

Ta very much.

Spice of Life

 I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want.

The boat is coming back to life, with the recent addition of a secondhand record player I recently bought.

However, in this day and age of modern technology, I really ought to go all bluetooth so that I don't drain the battery after having the amplifier on for half an hour.

So, all I have to do is rustle up a few crisp tenners and buy myself what I really really want.

I want two Minirigs speakers and a bluetooth turntable by Audio Technica.

The speakers are amazing. I wonder if they'll give me a couple if I ask politely.

No, probably not.


So, my finger keeps hovering over the 'BUY NOW' button on Amazon.

My heart says 'press', but after looking at my Barclaycard statement, my head say's 'don't'.

Caterpillar

In the name of research, I went round to wildlife expert Chris, who happens to live nearby, to ask him all about the Processionary Caterpillar.

Why, you may ask?

Fair question.

Well, it's all because Sebastian from the Casquette et Chapeau has a stick thrown at him by Mister Tap, according to my latest multi-singular blockbuster 'Mister Tap', currently under construction.

The stick missed its target, but unfortunately hit the nest of deadly caterpillars hanging from the branch above Seb's head.

Oh dear! Unfortunately for Seb, the inhalation of the micro-hairs from the little creatures could be fatal.

What on earth might happen? Will he be saved, just in time?

I dunno. I haven't written it yet.

Demises

I'm currently hard at work, plotting Mister Tap, and how the various characters meet their demises, which they surely must do.

And then there's also the staircase, and the cupboard at the bottom.

There are only three people who know what's in it.

And I'm one of them.

In Montolieu

Last week I was lucky enough to be in Montolieu, at the Writer's Retreat, doing some more 'Mister Tap'.

What a bloody horrible week it was.

I had a cough, I had a cold, I had a bad back, the weather was shit, 'Erindoors had to cancel coming at the last minute, and my cooking ain't wot it oughta be, as can be seen by my sauce that went slightly wrong.

Oh yes, and the car had a flat battery, twice - the first time when I arrived, and the second time just before going to the airport.

Apart from all that, it was great!

But I did manage to complete the current 20 chapters, and that's what I set out to do.

And I also had a very successful meeting with Monsieur Maire (not Monsieur le Mairie - Mr Town Hall, as I mistakenly called him at last summer's book launch), and I think because of the lure of having apperos on my boat, he may be coming to Wivenhoe in May.

He will be most welcome.

We Have Lights, We Have Heat, We Have Liftoff

Miss Baudet is coming back to life as a Writer's Retreat. The solar panel works a treat, and even though it was nut-freezing weather outside, inside was warm and toastie.

The Minnesota Mousse, thanks to good friend Katie from the US, was well-placed.

The first Book Club of 2019 aboard the Wivenhoe Writer's Retreat On The Mud went very well for publisher David and me, with fish and chips from up the lane, and creative juices flowing as freely as the wine.

So many ideas, they were brimming over.

Lights!

Pretty soon The Boat For My Potplants will be reinstated as the place to go for writing 'Mister Tap', my third novel, in which Oliver Markland plays a pivotal role.

But before I can settle in, I need lights - as well as a record player, speakers, a heater, a stove, kettle, wine store, and perhaps a potplant or two.

At least I now have the lights - and they work, thanks to The Caravan Man, aka Paul, who came and fixed them.

Nerve Centre

When I began renovating an old boat some years ago, I had no idea it would become the Nerve Centre for the Hornet Books Writing Emporium. 

Last night, publishing guru David Roberts and I sampled Co-op tinned stew while we discussed the plot of the forthcoming Mister Tap. 

I explained how "once upon a time Mister Tap lived in an old chateau and that an elephant escaped the circus and ended up squashing Brigadier Breach in the hallway."

All very plausible after a little wine had been consumed, and the added dumplings were delicious.

Back On Track

After years in the estuary wilderness, my Boat For My Potplants (currently aka Boat Without Any Potplants) is coming back to flourish.

Today I had a solar panel fitted by Paul, The Caravan Van. Good chap. In fact, Very Good Chap.

So, I'm nearly all up and ready now for 2019 and whatever it will bring.

Looking into my crystal ball, I see 'The World's Smallest Pirate Radio Station' striking again once more, now that I have facilities for a record player.

I see parties at night, now that I have lights.

I see the writing of my third novel, 'Mister Tap' on board, now that I have a power socket for a laptop.

I see a few glasses of wine, and some tinned curry from Tesco.

I see a gorilla in the midst of some potplants.

HERALD NEWS - read all about it!

In Adrian's wine shop

How extraordinary.

An article appeared about 'Florida Key' and its author (that's me) in Joliet, Illinois' newspaper, with the headline featuring the Folger Adam manufactured prison key that inspired me to write the story.

Resulting from that, I was contacted by two individual ladies, both of whom had direct connections with the company.

Susan Carlton very kindly sent me a copy of the rag to me while I was in France recently - and I had pleasure in reading it in the best place in town - Adrian's wine shop.

Ralph Luebs

Barbara Carnaghi sent me a sketch of her late father Ralph Luebs, who had been the Vice President of Operations at the time of his passing in 1982. She recounted her memory as a child visiting the prisons with her dad in which the Folger Adam locks were utilised.

What a fascinating journey I have been privileged to journey on since beginning this writing mullarkey.

I'd do anything

You know you've made it onto the Celebrity Z-list when you get asked to reopen a pub!

But what an honour it was to be there to officially welcome customers to the newly revamped Rose & Crown in Wivenhoe. 

Cheers to manageress Claire.

She knew I'd do anything to read a paragraph from Florida Key.

And she knew I'd do anything for a free glass of wine.

Sacré Bleu!

Following the incredible book launch of Florida Key in The Village of Books (Montolieu) back in June, I finally managed to obtain a copy of the newspaper in which it was covered, for all to see. 

But I didn't really understand what it said, until I got it translated recently.

I read it with eager anticipation. I smiled at the reporting. I laughed at 'Elton John' comment. 

But then . . . WHAT???!!!

Zut alors, mon dieu, et SACRÉ BLEU. PAH!

ONLY THREE TRACKS - So hard to choose

I hadn't seen my daughter Laura for a while until last night, when I mentioned to her about my forthcoming interview on the radio to talk about Harry, and having to choose ONLY THREE tracks to play.

Laura, an excellent artist, had previously helped me with my Muddy Water novel by being photographed for the cover, and in which she illustrated the main characters of the story. When I wrote the book, I included as many Nilsson references as I could get away with.

At my request, she drew the main character as a certain singer-songwriter. It was my private nod to the man.

Last night, when I told her of my dilemma over which tracks I should choose to play on the radio, she surprised me.

I had no idea that she even knew any Nilsson songs, let alone liked any, when she said: "Dad, you have to include 'Sail Away' - it's amazing!"

And of course she's right.

How could I have left that one off my list?

 And what about 'Salmon Falls'?

Because of her suggestion, I've been revisiting the two LPs that those songs come from.

They are SO good.

This is SO hard.

Blimey - where's the time gone?

Jane and Derek getting set

So we returned from La Belle Francaise last Thursday night.

Lots going on there, and here, as always.

Jane gets an exhibition at the fab Maison de Textile in Montolieu. It really IS a fab place. Wish we could be there, but she has ANOTHER exhibition here in Wivenhoe. I can't keep up.

And at the same venue in Montolieu, next Easter, Derek and Monique at the Maison de Textile will be hosting my old mate Joanna Eden to sing a few of her delicious songs. I hope she will sing a few songs from her new album 'Truth Tree'.

I've reminded her that she's duty-bound to also sing a Nilsson song.

And talking of Nilsson, I will be on BBC Essex Radio September 30th, talking a few heartfelt words of nonsense about the American singer-songwriter who I have been a fan of ever since I was 13.

Fab venue for Joanna Eden next Easter

Nerve Centre Week 2

Well, I did dinner on the boat - cooking on gas. Fillet steak no less.

All jolly good, but The Boat Currently Without Any Potplants is lacking a certain necessity as well as plants - namely a dining table. We had to make do with the rear deck. Mon dieu! Sacre Blue.

As 'Erindoors (yes, she's back!) would say to me: "Why do you always have to make something so simple into something so complicated?" She does have a point.

I could buy a folding table from The Range for twenty squids.

Or I could even make one myself out of a bit of B&Q ply.

But that wouldn't be me.

So, I'm hoping that my good neighbour from across the road, Sam, can help me when he next goes to Cornwall to his fab place that we want to rent next year.

You see, I've asked him to look out for a surfboard that I can saw in half and turn into a boat-table. It's all very logical to me. I hope Sam can find one for me. There's an Aldi steak in it for him if he can.

Nerve Centre Week 1

Town Councillor Phil Booth Delivering Big News

A week of extraordinary heat saw 'Erindoors and me working outdoors in temperatures far beyond what we were used to. Felt like 100 degrees plus. We felt and looked miserable from first thing.
And it wasn't only that . . . It was a full-on week, for sure.

Monday: Prison
Tuesday: Royal Acadamy
Wednesday, Thursday and Friday: Another quality job painting Alice's Cottage (no job too small, etc etc)
Friday evening respite: RAIN. The first for over 50 days. Phew, what a scorcher that was.

'Erinoors and me. High temps predicted

And then, as if a mirage of hope upon the horizon, Phil (aka Phil Booth, Cincinnati Police Cop in Florida Key) came to The Boat Currently Without Any Potplants, to deliver some exciting news to me! VERY EXCITING. Written in caps, as Mr. Trump would do.

Apparently, the Mayor of Wiv is up for my suggestion of twinning our town with Montolieu. I know I oughtn't use too many '!'s. But, fuck it,  I will. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And a 'Working Committee' meeting is all set for 10th August to discuss what the next stage outta be.

Watch this space. I'll be buying the Powers That Be a few beers that evening, with my fingers firmly crossed behind my back for a positive motion for going forward.

The lovely 'Alice's Cottage'

Who knows where this may lead?

Certainly not me. I had no idea.

The Nerve Centre

The Boat Currently Without Any Potplants has now been renamed 'The Nerve Centre', and it has its own fish'n'chips bar on its rear, er, I can't remember what it's called. Lined up and ready with sauces and vinegar.

It's the place where my publisher (I still love saying that - it sounds so decadent and important), David Roberts and I go to hatch new and exciting marketing plans to help Florida Key to sell like hotcakes.

"You know that point-of-sale display we made out of your Missus' shoe-boxes to put by the till at the Co-op and on the bar at the Black Buoy? Well, how about we give away a hot cake with every book at the Co-op, and perhaps a bag of pork scratchings at The Black Buoy?" I suggested, with enthusiasm.

Unfortunately David wasn't listening.

He was too busy consuming his bottle of Sarsons Malt*.



* For non-Brits - that's a brand of vinegar

P's and Q's

This morning was another humbling one when I visited the library of Chelmsford Prison to talk with the inmates about the process of writing  - and hopefully getting the message across that it can be a positive thing to do, and never mind the comas and periods, let alone the p's and q's.

I waffled on about the story behind Florida Key, the writing process and the inspiration behind the story.







In my case it was a key I bought from a flea market that turned out to be from a prison (ironic, considering where I was). And a bike ride I took years ago when I met a Japanese cyclist going the other way in the middle of Kansas.

I don't suppose I sold many books today, but that wasn't the point of the excercise.